FullMoon Archive: 六月滿月：飽和 June: Saturation

Taipei 8:00am

Tears like spring rain. They arrive quite late. The clouds grew too heavy. I think of it as part of the water cycle. They precipitate into goodness and evaporate into longing. But I'm still scared sometimes, looking out the still-foggy window; details have become so fragmented, nothing's forgotten, even as it becomes harder to grasp. Yet there isn't a moment you're not missed.

2.51 lunar cycles. I've rolled with time without you for the first time on Gaia. Content with how I used to balance myself, I found those tools no longer softened the soreness in my back, throat and eyes. But what exactly is time? And what does "without" mean - if you're in every cell of me, generating energy before my feet ever touched the ground. If the flower has blossomed and the wind is still softly touching. Mitochondria and soil, they're all evidence.

With that, I'm also saturated with love in this flesh container. The blessings I'm forever grateful for. Solitude. I return to reading more. I can finally jot something down. I try to use "I" more confidently because that wouldn't exist if it weren't for you. I see and learn to see the world in ways I never would have. The landscape is more saturated in colour, the people too, with the light you left within me.

I came home without many knowing. I don't know how long I'll stay. I'm not sure what's next. But I guess I don't need to know. Everything will reveal itself. I just have to be here right now. Taipei feels especially comforting at this time and I have so much love for it. Maybe it's your embrace filling the air, every corner.

Expand and contract. I'm slowly getting more in touch with my emotions again. I'm making a work within a work for you, even if that means confronting myself through discomfort. I release the urge to control the messiness.

我會勇敢
我因你而飽和

Berlin 23:00
有時，飽和是悄悄到來的。

海綿因水而飽和。
土壤因雨而飽和。
底片因光而飽和。
語言因重複而飽和。
身體因照顧、悲傷、喜悅與日常而飽和。

飽和，不只是因為太多。

它是當某些事物被觸碰、被承載或共處久之後，開始慢慢改變的狀態。

_____________. ________________ …. ___________

Berlin 12:45pm

Sweat.
Milk.
Joy.
Hormones.
Bureaucracy.
Repetitive motions.
Repetitive movements.
Presence.
Love.
Frustration.
Learned patience.
Breath.
Sleep.
Alertness.
Paranoia.
Supplements.
Holding.
Being held.
Wonder.
Observations.
Fascination.
Watching.
Waiting.
Reacting.
Instincts.
Limbo.

All the things that are saturating my being since becoming a mother 10 weeks ago.

_________________________////// …._______________________________________

Berlin 1:05pm

飽了﹐就打個和

同過去，慢慢慢慢一直共行
有時太飽、有時太餓，但理解到Ta們都是感覺的一種
不代表我的一切，
我是同伴，與感覺們伴行，慢慢慢慢﹐
好像和了一點點
胃口好像就轉變了一點點

好似人生無論如何，都會來一件事讓人變形，擠壓，然後抽離或者定型。穩定一時，亂流也有時。

Berlin 7:15pm